Virginia Beach nonprofit offers caregivers support — and a break

Jan Kerr and Linda Brown were caregivers in search of a lifeline. They needed support and help to deal with the challenges of caring for an elderly or impaired loved one. They also needed a break.

Kerr and Brown found the support of others at meetings of the Caregivers Support Group. Facilitated by retired social worker Nancy Allan, the group meets monthly at Nimmo United Methodist Church in Virginia Beach. And the women found the break they were looking for at M.E. Cox Center, a nonprofit that provides adult day care on weekdays.

Caregivers face constant challenges, including navigating legal and financial difficulties, holding delicate conversations with friends and family, and enduring social isolation.

Weekends can be especially tough for Kerr and her husband. Though her 92-year-old mother, Ellie Gordon, is mobile and mentally alert, living in the same house means Kerr gets precious few breaks. The only “me time” the couple have is when Gordon attends M.E. Cox.

“It’s hard to find adult day care, so I feel lucky,” Kerr said. “It’s the only time my husband and I can do anything, just the two of us. We are completely housebound evenings and on the weekends.”

Kerr says her mother especially enjoys the story-time, games and singing at M.E. Cox.

“The staff keeps them busy doing different activities all day,” Kerr said. “Mom comes home and usually falls asleep.”

Brown’s husband, Max, was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s in 2015. As he declined, television failed to entertain him and Max would wander the house.

“Adult day care is a lifesaver,” Brown said. “At M.E. Cox, he enjoys listening to music, singing and tapping his feet. And he really likes the days when they bring in animals from the shelter.”

Both women find crucial coping skills and encouragement at the support group, where Allan listens and offers advice based on her years as a social worker for the elderly. Members, who all face major disruptions to their daily lives, share their feelings, thoughts and experiences.

Allan believes groups like hers are starting places to find support. The toll of physical, mental and emotional challenges are a frequent topic of discussion. Attendees open up because they don’t have to explain themselves to others with similar difficulties.

“Many caregivers become isolated so the support group is a safe home and a place for relief,” Allan said. “They have every feeling in the book, from resentment to exhaustion. They all say they wish they had known about the support group sooner.

“Alzheimer’s is a terrible disease that affects the entire family,” Brown said. It’s important to talk to people that understand what you’re going through. The group is a good way to release your feelings.”

Members of the support group must improvise and come up with unique solutions, according to Allan.

“Most of these ideas aren’t in any textbook,” she said.

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When Brown broke her hip and was unable to get her husband to day care, Allan connected her to Kerr, who offered to take Max to day care.

“Nancy connects people, and it’s all about people helping people,” Brown said.

For more resources, visit Senior Services of Southeastern Virginia at www.ssseva.org

A senior resource guide is available on the City of Virginia Beach website.

If interested in Caregivers Support Group, contact Nancy Allan at 757-422-1292.

For information on M.E Cox Center for Elder Day Care, call 757-340-4388.

Eric Hodies, ehodies@hteam.net