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Weather

How hot has it been? So hot we could only try to laugh

The Virginian-Pilot
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July was sooo hot, said reader Shannon Tyler, that the squirrels "melted" in her Newport News yard. Actually, they're "planking" - lying their bellies on a cooler surface in an effort to dissipate body heat. We looked it up. And wish we could do the same.

July was sooo hot, said reader Shannon Tyler, that the squirrels "melted" in her Newport News yard. Actually, they're "planking" - lying their bellies on a cooler surface in an effort to dissipate body heat. We looked it up. And wish we could do the same. (Shannon Tyler/Courtesy)

Sure, we’ve all got hurricane on the brain now, but for most of last month the heat was our biggest weather worry.

July was a scorcher in our parts. Average temps in Norfolk were the hottest since records began being kept in 1864.

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Sweating behind our pandemic masks, we asked readers to send us some “It’s sooo hot” jokes. Sometimes there’s nothing to do but try to laugh.

“It’s so hot my squirrels have melted,” wrote Shannon Tyler of Newport News, who sent a photo of them sprawled out on the ground in her Newport News yard.

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Now, with more reasonable temperatures in sight — at least for a while — we’ll offer our collection with a little tweak: It’s been so hot.

Kicking it off with a few funnies we found online:

IT’S BEEN SO HOT

  • Tomatoes weren’t the only things getting ripe around here.
  • Fireflies were really on fire.
  • The thermometer read “hell.”
  • My AC was cranked to “bankruptcy.”
  • Siri asked for ice water.
  • Trees were hoping for dogs.
  • We were all wearing “sweat” pants.
  • Seatbelts became branding irons

And now from readers, a blend of classics and originals:

IT’S BEEN SO HOT

  • Hurricane Isaias was hoping to evacuate. — Pam Meadows, Poquoson
  • We became the 757 Degrees. — Melissa James, Yorktown
  • The sweet corn was already cooked when you shucked it. — Julia Hillegass, Virginia Beach Department of Agriculture
  • The Chesapeake Bay is now the Chesapeake Bath. — John Demosthenes, Virginia Beach
  • Newport News Shipbuilding welders were using Gorilla Glue. — Steve & Jeanne Farthing, Yorktown
  • My sweat was sweating. — Margy Baker, Norfolk
  • The “H” ran away from the “O” to get some “T” ( tea). — Melvin Johnson, Newport News
  • The sun rose up and apologized, then set down. — John Demosthenes, Virginia Beach
  • My salad was undressing. — Pam Meadows, Poquoson
  • My bread turned into toast on the way home from the store. — Melvin Veale, Portsmouth
  • I saw a bird pull a worm from the ground using oven mitts. — Brian Forrester, Williamsburg
  • Cows gave evaporated milk. — Clarence Williams, Hampton
  • I saw a dog chasing a cat and they were both walking. — Susan Reilly, Virginia Beach
  • We had to boil the water in the creek to cool it off. — Howie Collins, Virginia Beach
  • The cheese on the moon melted. — Linda Rogers, Newport News
  • The jellyfish lost their jiggle. — Miriam Jiggetts, Portsmouth

Joanne Kimberlin, 757-446-2338, joanne.kimberlin@pilotonline.com

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